licia dreads mock osce.
the kiasu-ism to match to leezhaoming's standard hasnt gotten to me yet.
another round of open-more-doors game.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
things that matter most.
i need to sit down and document my thoughts now. i'm afraid if i go to bed now (which i really really feel like doing at this moment - the hot weather has drained all the energy that's left inside of me), i wont be able to recapture the thoughts that have been provoking me of late.
the journey to church this evening was a difficult one. i felt very hesitant, heavy-hearted, and was very tempted to just skip this month's prayer meeting. but i'm glad i went because it's such a refreshing experience. although physically and mentally drained for the day, it's empowerment from within. God spoke to me tonight, and tonight my heart was softened and i heard His still small voice. praise the Lord!
--
looking back, the past few months have been such a ride. i've never cried so much in my entire life. it was one thing after another, it was as if i was being attacked from all different corners and angles and from various aspects. i was so weak, yet i kept trying to do things my way. i cried till eyebags have become a permanent fixture in licia, i cried till the tears rolling down my cheeks burnt my face, on numerous occasions.
i feel so ashame of myself and of how i run back to God everytime i'm sad and troubled. but when things get slightly better, i start going my own way again, telling Him that i can handle it on my own.
despite keeping my quiet time with Him, deep inside me, i knew i was fading away. i grew distant from God and although i prayed everyday for His will to be done, i was like Jonah trying to run away from God, i simply didnt allow God to be part of my life. quiet time was just any other routine. i must say, that there were certain days which were "good days" and i'd cry out to God and tell Him i need Him and apart from Him, i'm nothing. but fast forward to a few days, you see me back to square one. and the cycle repeats itself again and again.
i really really really hope this wouldnt just be another cycle. i think i've had more than enough, and really, apart from God, i'm nothing. life would just be so meaningless without His presence.
but even if i were to forsake Him once again, God is always faithful and He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. He'd always welcome me with His warm embrace and take me into His presence once again, forgiving me of my past faults and failures, because God's love for me is unconditional and everlasting.
there were many times i chose to do things my own way despite knowing that it wasnt according to God's will. i grew so cold and distant, i was so tempted to leave His presence (knowing that God will always forgive me at the end of the day). yet God is faithful and gracious and ever-so-merciful. i was never allowed to be tempted to more than i could bear. and i couldnt possibly be more thankful for how things have turned out now. hallelujah!
--
what was so refreshing tonight that gave me a new insight to things, you may ask. it was just like any other prayer meetings but a couple of sharings from missionaries serving abroad. these wonderful people live their lives for God's purpose and glory. it's amazing at how much they've sacrificed for the Lord. yet, i, living in my own comfort zone, refuse to live my life for Him. i'm ashamed.
Matthew 6:33 says "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you".
--
my thoughts are really jumbled up and there's no order of any sort. haha.
i started by saying thoughts that have been provoking me of late. yeah, despite drawing away from Him, God never gave up on me. He continued to speak to me, through people and through circumstances, through songs and His Word, but my heart was hardened.
i was looking through my older blog posts a couple of days ago, and it hit me and made me realised of how seldom i talked about God these days. it's always about me, never about Him. and it shook me pretty hard (but at that time, not hard enough to wake me up). i used to blog so much about my encounters and experiences with God and of the many miracles i've witnessed in my life, of how i totally depended on Him, trusting in Him in each step of the way, despite the uncertain circumstances and situations i was in.
i've run dry. very very dry. and i need to be filled again, O Lord. i need You. i really need You.
"I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about you
All about you Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about you,
All about you Jesus."
it's about time the prodigal daughter returned to her Father. <3
--
on a similiar note, i'm going to take some time off facebook (as i've come to realised i've spent an exorbitant amount of time on it) to sit down and ponder on more important things, and to set my priorities right.
i am aware, that this is only the beginning, and i may fall back once again. but by God's grace, i will be able to make it through.
there's so much more that matters in life. i've been so obsessed with my own self, and always trying very hard to satisfy my own selfish desires and cravings, it was as if the world revolves around me alone.
i'm letting go this time, letting go of anything that has been having a tight grip of me and preventing me to live a life that would reflect upon God's glory.
and maybe my dear friends (leaf and prece), maybe this would also mean less nonsensical and pointless talk or gossip. haha! and leaf, perhaps less stalking too. lol. there may be slight changes, but i sure hope it's for the better. be with me in this.
God bless and take care. xoxo.
the journey to church this evening was a difficult one. i felt very hesitant, heavy-hearted, and was very tempted to just skip this month's prayer meeting. but i'm glad i went because it's such a refreshing experience. although physically and mentally drained for the day, it's empowerment from within. God spoke to me tonight, and tonight my heart was softened and i heard His still small voice. praise the Lord!
--
looking back, the past few months have been such a ride. i've never cried so much in my entire life. it was one thing after another, it was as if i was being attacked from all different corners and angles and from various aspects. i was so weak, yet i kept trying to do things my way. i cried till eyebags have become a permanent fixture in licia, i cried till the tears rolling down my cheeks burnt my face, on numerous occasions.
i feel so ashame of myself and of how i run back to God everytime i'm sad and troubled. but when things get slightly better, i start going my own way again, telling Him that i can handle it on my own.
despite keeping my quiet time with Him, deep inside me, i knew i was fading away. i grew distant from God and although i prayed everyday for His will to be done, i was like Jonah trying to run away from God, i simply didnt allow God to be part of my life. quiet time was just any other routine. i must say, that there were certain days which were "good days" and i'd cry out to God and tell Him i need Him and apart from Him, i'm nothing. but fast forward to a few days, you see me back to square one. and the cycle repeats itself again and again.
i really really really hope this wouldnt just be another cycle. i think i've had more than enough, and really, apart from God, i'm nothing. life would just be so meaningless without His presence.
but even if i were to forsake Him once again, God is always faithful and He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. He'd always welcome me with His warm embrace and take me into His presence once again, forgiving me of my past faults and failures, because God's love for me is unconditional and everlasting.
there were many times i chose to do things my own way despite knowing that it wasnt according to God's will. i grew so cold and distant, i was so tempted to leave His presence (knowing that God will always forgive me at the end of the day). yet God is faithful and gracious and ever-so-merciful. i was never allowed to be tempted to more than i could bear. and i couldnt possibly be more thankful for how things have turned out now. hallelujah!
--
what was so refreshing tonight that gave me a new insight to things, you may ask. it was just like any other prayer meetings but a couple of sharings from missionaries serving abroad. these wonderful people live their lives for God's purpose and glory. it's amazing at how much they've sacrificed for the Lord. yet, i, living in my own comfort zone, refuse to live my life for Him. i'm ashamed.
Matthew 6:33 says "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you".
--
my thoughts are really jumbled up and there's no order of any sort. haha.
i started by saying thoughts that have been provoking me of late. yeah, despite drawing away from Him, God never gave up on me. He continued to speak to me, through people and through circumstances, through songs and His Word, but my heart was hardened.
i was looking through my older blog posts a couple of days ago, and it hit me and made me realised of how seldom i talked about God these days. it's always about me, never about Him. and it shook me pretty hard (but at that time, not hard enough to wake me up). i used to blog so much about my encounters and experiences with God and of the many miracles i've witnessed in my life, of how i totally depended on Him, trusting in Him in each step of the way, despite the uncertain circumstances and situations i was in.
i've run dry. very very dry. and i need to be filled again, O Lord. i need You. i really need You.
"I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about you
All about you Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about you,
All about you Jesus."
it's about time the prodigal daughter returned to her Father. <3
--
on a similiar note, i'm going to take some time off facebook (as i've come to realised i've spent an exorbitant amount of time on it) to sit down and ponder on more important things, and to set my priorities right.
i am aware, that this is only the beginning, and i may fall back once again. but by God's grace, i will be able to make it through.
there's so much more that matters in life. i've been so obsessed with my own self, and always trying very hard to satisfy my own selfish desires and cravings, it was as if the world revolves around me alone.
i'm letting go this time, letting go of anything that has been having a tight grip of me and preventing me to live a life that would reflect upon God's glory.
and maybe my dear friends (leaf and prece), maybe this would also mean less nonsensical and pointless talk or gossip. haha! and leaf, perhaps less stalking too. lol. there may be slight changes, but i sure hope it's for the better. be with me in this.
God bless and take care. xoxo.
licia's lonely days are just about to begin...
very soon i'd be found driving to uni alone,
walking on the streets alone,
evading the guards alone,
studying alone in a lil corner in the library,
eating lunches alone,
going to pee alone (haha!)
doing everything you used to do with me, but now alone.
cos you're on your way to being un-single whereas i'm still as single as ever :(
sings, "all by myself, dont wanna be, all by myself, anymore"....
i remembered having the exact feeling 7 months ago, and it sucks, it sucks big time i tell you. so what? it has happened once, so i should be stronger this time round right? nowhere near! it reminds me of my lonely past.
and now i feel like crying. :'(
anyone interested in looking for a library partner pls write to oliveathome@hotmail.com.
haha!
very soon i'd be found driving to uni alone,
walking on the streets alone,
evading the guards alone,
studying alone in a lil corner in the library,
eating lunches alone,
going to pee alone (haha!)
doing everything you used to do with me, but now alone.
cos you're on your way to being un-single whereas i'm still as single as ever :(
sings, "all by myself, dont wanna be, all by myself, anymore"....
i remembered having the exact feeling 7 months ago, and it sucks, it sucks big time i tell you. so what? it has happened once, so i should be stronger this time round right? nowhere near! it reminds me of my lonely past.
and now i feel like crying. :'(
anyone interested in looking for a library partner pls write to oliveathome@hotmail.com.
haha!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday, November 16, 2008
cravings...
i'm gettin chrismassy earlier this year. probably cause i know i wont be in much of a christmas mood during christmas itself due to my summative 1 (which is on new year's eve...what a 'coincidence' eh?)
i woke up this morning, humming christmas carols' tunes. then i started craving for fruitcakes. no, not those ordinary fruitcakes u get at wedding dinners, or cake shops. i want fruitcakes which takes month(s) to prepare, those which are prepared with rum!!! mmmhhmmmm!!! yumm~~~ anyone has any idea where i can find those?
i'd some last year..which tasted, oh, so heavenly! hehe! but i have no idea where i can find them here, and even if i do, i reckon it's going to cost me a bomb! so, maybe it's a good idea to just shuddup and stop tempting myself considering the fact that there's a 90.1% chance of not being able to satisfy my cravings this christmas season. lol. dont ask me why 90.1, i'm just obsessed with that figure.
hold on, is there anyone home? lol. i reckon no one visits anymore :( look at my tagboard, all submerged in dust. haha, ok, i know u can submerge things with dust!
on a different note, it amazes me as to how swiftly time passes by (or should i say fly by?), and it amazes me even more as to how much has happened in this short span of 2 1/2 months. indeed, my life has been very eventful and dramatic, which isn't a very positive thing. :s but God is great and He is faithful!!! AMEN!
and in case you're wondering how med school is treating me? i'm proud to say that by God's grace, i'm still alive, and kicking, man!!!! haha. i reckon it's because i enjoy what i study and what i do. i couldnt really ask for more. :D
oh..let me end with a random fact: med school students party as hard as they study.
let me give you an example - with exams just around the corner, and with 2848327291 facts to cram into our brains, a group of us are planning a sunway lagoon outing. i reckon it's best to scream our lungs out, then nerd like real nerds do. and with that, i mean REAL NERDS! so, toodles!
xoxo.
p/s: another month long (or more) hiatus.
YUMMY!!!!! ARRRGHH!!!! i love CHRISTMAS cos JESUS LOVES YOU!!!
i woke up this morning, humming christmas carols' tunes. then i started craving for fruitcakes. no, not those ordinary fruitcakes u get at wedding dinners, or cake shops. i want fruitcakes which takes month(s) to prepare, those which are prepared with rum!!! mmmhhmmmm!!! yumm~~~ anyone has any idea where i can find those?
i'd some last year..which tasted, oh, so heavenly! hehe! but i have no idea where i can find them here, and even if i do, i reckon it's going to cost me a bomb! so, maybe it's a good idea to just shuddup and stop tempting myself considering the fact that there's a 90.1% chance of not being able to satisfy my cravings this christmas season. lol. dont ask me why 90.1, i'm just obsessed with that figure.
hold on, is there anyone home? lol. i reckon no one visits anymore :( look at my tagboard, all submerged in dust. haha, ok, i know u can submerge things with dust!
on a different note, it amazes me as to how swiftly time passes by (or should i say fly by?), and it amazes me even more as to how much has happened in this short span of 2 1/2 months. indeed, my life has been very eventful and dramatic, which isn't a very positive thing. :s but God is great and He is faithful!!! AMEN!
and in case you're wondering how med school is treating me? i'm proud to say that by God's grace, i'm still alive, and kicking, man!!!! haha. i reckon it's because i enjoy what i study and what i do. i couldnt really ask for more. :D
oh..let me end with a random fact: med school students party as hard as they study.
let me give you an example - with exams just around the corner, and with 2848327291 facts to cram into our brains, a group of us are planning a sunway lagoon outing. i reckon it's best to scream our lungs out, then nerd like real nerds do. and with that, i mean REAL NERDS! so, toodles!
xoxo.
p/s: another month long (or more) hiatus.
YUMMY!!!!! ARRRGHH!!!! i love CHRISTMAS cos JESUS LOVES YOU!!!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
i want to thank all those who still bother visiting my blog albeit my absence.
i'm very sorry...but i really dont have that blogging spirit anymore.
if one day, you come in and you realised that this blog has been made private, that's because i've decided to shut it down. i'm not going to delete it bcos i blogged so much about my australia trip back then, so it's memorabilia.
a lot has happened recently. uni has been really interesting. people are great. just log onto my facebook page. or write to me, and i'll tell you stuffs. ;)
i started this blog because i wanted to express my views on issues. but i simply dont have the time to do that anymore. and i've never been too fond of the idea of blogging about my personal life. i like things to be kept private and special. :)
but praise the Lord. i'm a very blessed person. and if you're wondering if i'm fine, i'm great!!!! i enjoy what i do, so going to uni is never a chore...at least for now.
thank you again, peeps! xoxo
p/s: i may change my minda bout blogging someday, but not anytime soon. lol
i'm very sorry...but i really dont have that blogging spirit anymore.
if one day, you come in and you realised that this blog has been made private, that's because i've decided to shut it down. i'm not going to delete it bcos i blogged so much about my australia trip back then, so it's memorabilia.
a lot has happened recently. uni has been really interesting. people are great. just log onto my facebook page. or write to me, and i'll tell you stuffs. ;)
i started this blog because i wanted to express my views on issues. but i simply dont have the time to do that anymore. and i've never been too fond of the idea of blogging about my personal life. i like things to be kept private and special. :)
but praise the Lord. i'm a very blessed person. and if you're wondering if i'm fine, i'm great!!!! i enjoy what i do, so going to uni is never a chore...at least for now.
thank you again, peeps! xoxo
p/s: i may change my minda bout blogging someday, but not anytime soon. lol
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
separation
licia HATES separation!
it's this time of the year where friends and relatives come back to msia to visit.
and i realised how much i hate being separated again. i think it's because i get very attached to people easily...and then when they leave, i'll get all torned.
Tuo Wu went back yesterday evening. and today i'd to say bye to Kenneth. last week, i'd to say bye to Kendrick. and next week, i'll have to say bye to both Chloe and Julie. and who knows, who's next?
leaving msia to further my education sounds very exciting to me. but the thought of leaving behind all that i ever owned, tears me apart. no worries, i'm not leaving anytime soon. but the time will come. and i know for sure, that as much as i'll like to leave this place now.....it would come to a time, when i'll be very reluctant to go. the thought of even staying away from home, even if it's only a 45-minute drive away scares me. and i'll like to do away with that as much as i can. besides God, my parents are my top priority. and my brother, haha, i always tell him that i look forward to him being as far away as he can from me, but i know i'll miss him a lot too. and what about G & T? no them, no inspiration. i sound pathetic, huh? yes, i'm proud to be my Daddy's and Mommy's girl. and yes, i admit that i'm veyr protected still and very sheltered. what's wrong with that? i know what it's like in reality...so i'm not being naive.
FAMILY...are my treasured possesions. :)
and i know this is very random, but i miss all the Kuans. i'm glad though, that more will be visiting soon, later this year. and early next year. i can't wait.
but there'll always be that dreadful separation. *sobs*
it's this time of the year where friends and relatives come back to msia to visit.
and i realised how much i hate being separated again. i think it's because i get very attached to people easily...and then when they leave, i'll get all torned.
Tuo Wu went back yesterday evening. and today i'd to say bye to Kenneth. last week, i'd to say bye to Kendrick. and next week, i'll have to say bye to both Chloe and Julie. and who knows, who's next?
leaving msia to further my education sounds very exciting to me. but the thought of leaving behind all that i ever owned, tears me apart. no worries, i'm not leaving anytime soon. but the time will come. and i know for sure, that as much as i'll like to leave this place now.....it would come to a time, when i'll be very reluctant to go. the thought of even staying away from home, even if it's only a 45-minute drive away scares me. and i'll like to do away with that as much as i can. besides God, my parents are my top priority. and my brother, haha, i always tell him that i look forward to him being as far away as he can from me, but i know i'll miss him a lot too. and what about G & T? no them, no inspiration. i sound pathetic, huh? yes, i'm proud to be my Daddy's and Mommy's girl. and yes, i admit that i'm veyr protected still and very sheltered. what's wrong with that? i know what it's like in reality...so i'm not being naive.
FAMILY...are my treasured possesions. :)
and i know this is very random, but i miss all the Kuans. i'm glad though, that more will be visiting soon, later this year. and early next year. i can't wait.
but there'll always be that dreadful separation. *sobs*
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