outburst of hope

i see the need to pen down some thoughts tonight, for memories sake.

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the year 2010 started on a good note. i'd the awesome-st time anyone could possibly have while i was away for nearly a month, vacationing in aussie and singapore. i wouldnt say life was a bed of roses, cos there were also some hilly moments with some ups and downs. but it was a refreshing experience for me. i thank God for that break, cos i really really needed one badly then and i thank God for ppl who made that trip possible.

i felt rejuvenated after returning home, with new insights with new hopes with new visions. it was good. i decided my stand, and told myself that 2010 will never be a repeat of 2009 again. and i re-committed my life to God. i want His will to be done, not mine, never mine.

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the death of a friend's dad made me rethink my decisions and my purpose in life. it threw me into a whirlpool of thoughts and i must say i was deeply troubled. still am, today. i questioned myself on the decisions that i've made. "is this really what i want?" kept bugging me. life is short and fragile, and it made me questioned myself as to how much i really really wanted to do this?

to further complicate matters, ppl twisted and turned my words and made me look like an utter fool. of course, i was a fool to have trusted them in the very first place, but it's just very typical of me to trust others easily. i dont like to keep everything within me for the fear that i would explode someday.

apart from all these, i'm still having the time of my life and enjoying the liberty 4pm classes have to offer. i have the liberty to do what i long to do, to meet up and catch up with old friends (something that i've neglected for quite some time) and most importantly, enjoying the presence of family. :)

i cant bear the thought of "losing" my bro when he leaves for his studies. i really cant. i reckon i'd cry buckets. as annoying as he is, i'd miss him so badly i think i'd become a panda. talking about it makes me so emotional.

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i got this in my email today. how can anyone say this is mere coincidence?
the ultimate Will of God.

"As we encounter difficulties in life, it will help us toremember the big picture. First, God is our Father and has awonderful eternal plan for us. We are His children and He lovesus. Second, this time is but a training period for our futurelife with God. We are supposed to be learning to trust God andto obey Him. So, every problem we ever face is an opportunity to walk infaith and please God. Every problem is an opportunity toovercome with God's help. How can we expect to receive theblessings promised to the overcomer if we never have anythingto overcome?"

and i read this during my quiet time this morning:

"When we experience tragedy, we may wonder about God’s goodness. Is God always good? Yes, He is. He doesn’t promise that bad things will never happen to us, but He does promise to be “our refuge and strength” (Ps. 46:1). He doesn’t promise that we will never walk through heart-wrenching circumstances, but He promises that we won’t be alone (23:4).

God is good—no matter what suffering we are experiencing. Even when we don’t understand, we can say with Habakkuk, “Yet will I rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation” (3:18)."

definitely not a coincidence. God spoke to me. :)
it's true, God never promised a life full of beds of roses. but He promised never to leave us nor to forsake us. and i claim upon that promise.

i shall be strong for the joy of the Lord is my source of strength.
poeple can say anything they want, do whatever they want, but i shall remain strong.
it doesnt matter how twisted things can be....but i always believe that truth will prevail. someday, somehow, everything will make sense.

i've made my decision, there's no more turning back.

sings, "i have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back".

what's left now is to make that decision....that VERY important one, pertaining to my future. to continue or not? O Lord, i surrender myself to You!

~licia with an outburst of hope~